A Journey of Faith

One thing over the weekend that I thought of in relation to previous posts:  Not alone in company but feeling alone in bearing the weight of the burden.  So it's an issue of faith rather than of people.  "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18.  That is me.  Broken.  But not abandoned.

These last few days have shown me so much and opened my eyes.  I have learned that there really are people here who genuinely care and who are open for talking to.  I just need to understand that people are a lot of times busy.  I have also learned that no matter how broken or down you may become or feel that God is always there by your side and will never leave you.

P&W really does something to a person's soul that is just so incredible.  You're there worshipping God and you just get hit in the face of how awesome he really is despite what may be going on.  Sometimes it can be pretty emotional, but at the same time is cleansing.  In those moments, there's truly no place I'd rather be.

It'll be so great to find someone that I can talk to and have discussions about the tough stuff and about God and faith and all that who is close distance wise.  Hopefully someday! I had thought I was starting to lose my faith, but recently I've realized it was really me doubting.  I was told by a friend once that doubting is okay because it helps strengthen your faith.

This past Friday I had gone on a short walk around campus and saw several people jogging to the chapel.  I was curious so I went to investigate what was going on.  Doing so, I stumbled across a bible study... I think that was no accident... And then that time with the chapel speaker Jessica Knect and that one time at the prayer labyrinth and then last night at P&W... I guess God's been trying to get through to me and to let me know that all will be well and that I am not alone.

I may fear for my dad with his surgery coming up this Wednesday and all the complications it brings, I may get caught up in the lie that I am alone and have to fight this battle alone, I may get discouraged and weary and reach the point where I just want to give up, but though it's not easy for me to remember, I do know that God is always there and that I'm surrounded with so many loving people who really care and will listen.  And I have to remember that though there are many other people hurting in the world much more than I am that my story is worth listening to and getting help for too, because I too am broken inside and need help.

There is still so much more going on in my head right now that I'd tell you about, except I have to go eat and go to class.  "The Lord will lift them up with wings like angels..."and "Restore to me the joy of your salvation..." and the first verse have been on my heart all weekend.  Just some food for thought.  :)