God's Great Love and Grace

I was once told by a friend that it was okay to be broken.  At that point in time of my life I thought I couldn't possibly go any lower emotionally.  These past few months have proved otherwise.  However, God has been with me through it all, both the good and the bad and also the messy.  I mean, if you're at the lowest point you've ever been at, the only way to go is up, right?  Let me give you some insight to my thoughts from these past few months.  I'll be honest, coming back from college and being home that first week was pretty hard.  Pretty much a week out of school I went on my belated graduation trip to England with some of my family.  During that trip I struggled with relating to them and wondered how I could possibly get to know them better.  A few weeks after that trip, during the week I was helping with our local VBS program, my dad passed away after fighting with his cancer for almost three years.  That was probably the hardest time of my life.  I regretted not having spent more time with him than I did that summer.  Also during that time I wondered where God could be and why He didn't create some miracle and heal my dad.  I came to realize later on that He did in fact heal him, just not in the way I wanted Him to.  Coming back to school was interesting because I was both looking forward to seeing everyone again and not wanting to answer the question of "how was your summer" because I had no idea how to answer it.  While it wasn't a great summer, it wasn't all bad either.  I mean, going to England is pretty great, right?  This last month has been a challenge in all ways possible, however.  I've been struggling with feelings of self worth and trying to believe that I'm loved by people around me and by God.  While I wish I could spend more time with the awesome people who surround me daily there is the fact that we are all busy in some way, shape or form, and I understand that.  It's also been hard for me because I struggle with with finding things in common with people and I think it also presents good opportunities to get to know those around me better because perhaps then they and I could find things similar.  Sometimes I wonder about the impact I make on people who are around me and I apologize if I've been too depressing lately.  I've been crying out to God to help me because I just feel so lost and confused about life, and with my theology class, maybe a little bit about my faith too.  I've also been a little angry at Him too because it has seemed like lately there hasn't been much for "good news" going in my life and it's seemed like I am forgotten even though that is so far from the truth.  Satan needs to get the hell away and needs to stop planting lies because I hate being broken all the time.  Can't I just be whole for once?  But then I realize after a while that I am made new by Jesus love for me and that He cares so so much.  I have also been listening to the songs "Oceans", "Steady My Heart" and "Lead Me to the Cross" a lot lately because I feel that God is reassuring me through them and telling me He loves me ever so much.  He's also been telling me to just trust Him and lean on Him and to quit worrying all the time.  He has also shown me through those songs that I need to let go of the lies Satan has been planting in my heart and to run to His loving arms and how it's okay to cry in them.  I've also learned there are so many wonderful people in my life who care and I want them to know that I care for them too!  Always remember you are loved NO MATTER WHAT.  Seriously.  Love you all!  :)